Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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