Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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