I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
