well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
