Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
