i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
