she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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