So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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