i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
