i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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