i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish I only lived at night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
