I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
