You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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