i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
