I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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