The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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