Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
