He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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