So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
