my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize