My hand turned me down
no, he came in my armpit
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My cat gives me a boner
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
