this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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