There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize