my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
