My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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