I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
