Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
