how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize