Come see our sink grown plant.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They took my balls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
