if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
