she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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