Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
