At least make sure they are 18
Why
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
