why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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