I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
