I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
