Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
