What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
