my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
