Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
