JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
