i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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