So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
