At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
