I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
