i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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