I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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