I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
