I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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