its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
