You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
