omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
