I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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