you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
