There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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