the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he shaved USA in his pubs
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
