thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
