What did we do last night that was yellow?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
