cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm too high and old for this...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
