just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
