Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize