Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
