I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
