Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
