so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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