My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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