since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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