We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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