tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
