I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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