If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
