we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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