He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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