Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
