Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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