For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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