Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
