dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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