Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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