..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
