my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
