You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's the barista slut.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
