Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I could make wine with my vomit
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
