tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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