I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
