You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize