omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
