My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
