Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
