u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't deserve a penis
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize