I looked at my own cervix.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
