Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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