life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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