Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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