if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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