there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
