A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize