I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
