I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
