i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
