You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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