Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
