apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
