I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
