Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
