I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
