its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
