I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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