butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
