i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex on a dog bed..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
