And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
