kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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