my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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