Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
