Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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