Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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