Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
